Do you frequently think negative thoughts? Perhaps they may be thoughts about yourself, saying how you are not beautiful enough, not good enough, or not liked enough. Or, perhaps they may be thoughts about the situations in your life, where you think that nothing will ever go well.
Before you know it, these thoughts have taken over your mind, and you are constantly telling yourself words that are self-demeaning, or words that make you feel hopeless and depressed. You think that since these thoughts arose from your mind, you should believe them and that they reflect who you are.
But wait – what if these thoughts are NOT you? What if these thoughts are not an accurate representation of who you are and what you believe, and what if you could replace them with more helpful, more affirmative, and more healthy thoughts?
Below, we explore what it means to say ‘You are not your thoughts’, and how you can regain control of your own mind and identity.
Some thoughts arise randomly
Ever had those moments of ‘intrusive thoughts’ where you wonder: What if… I just walk out of the restaurant without paying? What if I just stood on the table and started singing? What if I lose control and did something terrible to someone?
Intrusive thoughts are just one example, but the fact is, all of us have some thoughts that arise in our minds randomly. They are not thoughts that represent how we would normally act or feel, or thoughts that we personally disagree with. Sometimes, they come out of seemingly nowhere, shocking even ourselves.
The important thing to realise here is that our thoughts are not always from ourselves. They may be completely random or come from something we heard, or something someone else said. They do not define us, and it definitely doesn’t mean we are evil for having the occasional intrusive thought.
Our thoughts are not always truth
People battling with negative thoughts sometimes think or tell themselves how lousy, ugly, and stupid they are. Some people think that they will fail even before they start, or that a single mistake means they have done terribly badly.
But let’s stop for a second there. Does thinking of all these things make them true? Not at all!
Here’s a simple exercise that may help you break out of believing all of the thoughts that arise in your head. Think and tell yourself: I cannot touch my head. But at the same time, pat your own head. Look – you have just proven that your thoughts do not reflect reality! In the same way, not all the thoughts you have about your own insecurities and negative situations are true.
We have power over our thoughts
So, we now know that some thoughts that arise in our minds are random and untrue. Some of these thoughts may echo what we hear on the media, or things that our family or acquaintances say to us. It’s normal to sometimes have disturbing, random, intrusive thoughts – but what’s really important is how we react to them.
We could latch onto those thoughts, let it affect our mood and perception of ourselves, and even make it part of our identity. Or we could just acknowledge that it was a random thought, something that is untrue or unhelpful, and let it pass by. We have control over what we do with our thoughts – to act on them or not; to believe them or not; to dwell on them or not.
Conclusion
Realising that our thoughts are not the ultimate representation of who we are can be extremely empowering for people struggling with negative self-image and other negative thought patterns. Instead of being trapped by your own thoughts, it is actually possible to take control and squash those thoughts!
Re-learning a new way of thinking isn’t always easy. If you need help with self-confidence issues or other negative thought patterns, we provide counselling services in Singapore that could guide you towards seeing a new perspective and instil healthy thought patterns. Our group therapy sessions are also a safe and supportive platform for gathering encouragement from the stories of people who face similar issues and struggles.