Why Is It Hard To Walk Away From A Toxic Relationship?

To an outsider looking in, the answer seems obvious—"Just leave!" The red flags are glaringly obvious. If you’re watching a TV series or scrolling through a relationship advice thread, you might be yelling at the screen, wondering why the person won’t just walk away.

But when you’re the one in the relationship, it’s never that simple. Do I leave? How could I leave? What happens after I leave? These thoughts can weigh heavily, creating a cycle of doubt and fear that makes breaking free feel impossible.

Many people in toxic relationships recognise that their mental health is suffering, yet they hold on for reasons that are deeply emotional and personal. Instead of casting judgment, understanding these reasons can foster empathy and support. If you’re struggling with this decision, taking time to reflect can provide much-needed clarity.

So, what makes it so difficult to leave a relationship that is hurting you?

1. The relationship satisfies (some of) your needs

Despite the unhappiness, the relationship may fulfil certain emotional needs—you want to feel wanted, to belong, to be loved. Even if the relationship is unhealthy, it might still provide moments of connection, making it hard to walk away.

For some, co-dependency plays a role, where emotional support becomes entangled with the relationship itself. The fear of abandonment or loneliness can overshadow the toxicity, making it easier to tolerate unhealthy behaviours than to face the uncertainty of being alone.

2. You believe you don’t deserve better

Low self-esteem can trap someone in a toxic relationship. If you’ve been told you’re not good enough or that no one else would want you, these beliefs can take root. Over time, you may start to accept mistreatment, believing that you don’t deserve a healthier love.

This is where therapy and self-work can be transformative—challenging those negative beliefs and rebuilding self-worth. Everyone deserves a relationship that nurtures, not diminishes, their well-being.

3. You think a toxic relationship is normal

For those who grew up in households with unhealthy relationship dynamics, toxic behaviours may feel familiar – even expected. Without a model for a healthy, loving relationship, it’s easy to mistake emotional abuse, manipulation, or neglect as just part of love.

Cultural or societal influences may also play a role. Some individuals have been conditioned to believe that suffering in silence is a sign of loyalty or that questioning harmful dynamics is unacceptable.

Recognising that toxic relationships are not the norm is a crucial step. Therapy can help unpack these deep-seated beliefs and provide tools to redefine what love and respect should truly look like.

4. You’re holding onto hope for change

Ever the optimist, there may be glimpses in the relationship that continue to offer a person hope. Every moment of simple joy or signs of affection becomes be a foothold to cling onto. You hold on to the hope that things will return to how they once were, even if it means suffering for years without a guarantee that things will look up.

For some, it is about their promise to be committed. That means they exhaust every possible effort to fix the relationship before considering leaving as a last resort. In unhealthy relationships, this ends up prolonging the hurt and may grow into deeper resentment, regret, and emotional wounds.

So… how do you find the strength to leave?

Leaving a relationship is a deeply personal choice. It might not always be the answer – or you might feel it is not the right time yet. But what matters is having the honesty and courage to recognise the issues, and take steps that are right for you in your situation.

Attending relationship counselling in Singapore can help with some issues, provided you and your partner are both willing to put in the work to unpack the problems together. Otherwise, individual counselling can guide and empower you as you navigate your next steps, whether that is healing you from the hurts from your current and past relationships, or developing an exit plan to end the relationship safely.

A loving relationship should be one that is mutually uplifting and supportive, not manipulative, distrustful, or oppressive. If you are struggling with a problematic relationship, don’t face it alone – speak to a counsellor at Being today.