
Emotional intimacy is the bedrock of a stable, healthy relationship. Feeling safe enough to be emotionally vulnerable is a strong sign of trust and closeness. Being able to be honest with each other also enriches communication between partners and enables both individuals to understand each other better.
Although an emotionally secure relationship is the goal, not all relationships look nearly as picture-perfect! But that doesn’t mean your relationship or marriage is doomed to fail – relationships are a constant work in progress, which means that at any point of time, there will be areas that need improvement.
As we break down what it means to be emotionally secure in a relationship, we hope it gives you some food for thought about how you can foster a healthier emotional space for your relationship.
Authenticity
Authenticity means that you don’t have to hide or put on a mask when you are with your partner. In this relationship, you are comfortable being your true self and you do not fear judgment from them. You know that they love you despite your quirks and imperfections.
Some people may have trouble being authentic because they feel like they need to fit a certain ‘ideal’ to be desirable, or they may have been criticised in the past for being their true self. However, having to constantly keep up with appearances can take a toll on oneself and the relationship, especially if your partner fell in love with a persona that is not really you.
These issues can be overcome for the individual through therapy sessions such as our counselling services in Singapore. In some cases, it is possible to find that your true personality is not compatible with your partner’s, in which case, ending the relationship may be the much-needed liberation for both parties.
Confidence
Being confident in your own skin ensures that you are not over-relying on someone else to make you feel secure. You have your own identity and opinions, giving each other the emotional space to be your own person.
Problems tend to arise when one person who struggle with insecurities is constantly seeking validation from their partner. Soon enough, these habits can spiral into co-dependence and growing insecurities that are never satisfied.
Strengthening your self-confidence can be very beneficial for your relationship, and may include steps like learning to overcome negative self-talk, maintaining your own circle of friends and pursuing your own hobbies.
Vulnerability
An emotionally secure relationship is one where you feel safe enough to share openly and truthfully about your personal thoughts and struggles. You can do so knowing that the other person will listen supportively, without using the information against you in a hurtful or manipulative way.
A lack of openness and vulnerability can hinder communication and intimacy, resulting in a superficial relationship where one does not feel heard, understood, or supported by their partner.
It takes practice and intentionality, but vulnerable sharing is a habit that can be developed. You can start with weekly check-ins using prompts you find online, or go for couples therapy in Singapore to help you have deeper conversations with your partner.
Trust
Trusting your partner means believing that they have your best interests at heart, knowing that they would not hurt you intentionally, and that they will speak truthfully at all times. A trusting relationship feels safe and does not require constant vigilance of the other party’s actions.
Relationships with low trust are shrouded with doubts and fear of betrayal. There may be lack of freedom when one party attempts to control or monitor the other’s actions. Even if betrayal does not occur, misunderstandings and frustrations are likely to arise.
It may be difficult for someone to trust due to various reasons, including trauma from being betrayed in past relationships, or experience of dishonesty in the current relationship. The issue of distrust is a challenging one, and usually benefits from having a professional counsellor work through the deep-seated issues with the couple.
Conclusion
Now that we know a bit more about what an emotionally secure relationship looks like, it is important to remember that no relationship is perfect. A serious lack of emotional security can be grounds for the end of a relationship, but some types of issues can be worked through and overcome with some effort, time, and knowledge of good conflict management strategies.
Seeking professional guidance, engaging in open communication, and committing to personal growth are some steps that you can take to strengthen the emotional intimacy and security in your relationship. It is not going to be an easy journey, but the fulfilment of a deeper connectedness with your partner is going to be more than worth it.