
What is your first reaction when a conflict arises between yourself and a co-worker at work? Do you think of ways to win the argument and gain the upper hand?
How we react to conflict can affect the relationship. While differences in opinion, working style, or communication styles account for most conflicts, how we react and resolve the conflict can either help us understand each other better and strengthen the relationship, or drive a wedge between the two individuals.
In this article, we describe two ways to view conflict – and how you can choose the better way to resolve conflicts constructively.
Perspective 1: Conflict as competition
Most people think of conflict like a battle. You either win or lose the conflict – no questions asked. Naturally, most people are competitive and want to win the argument, thinking of all possible ways to make their point of view stand out and pointing out all the flaws in the other person’s opinions.
However, the pitfall of this is that criticising the other person’s views mercilessly can hurt their feelings. While winning the argument, you are causing harm to the relationship. This can have future repercussions if the other person is someone you need to work with on a long-term basis, or someone close to you like your spouse.
Some signs of treating a conflict like competition is when:
· You are sabotaging each other
· You are listening to respond, not listening to understand
· You are not willing to compromise
· You are focusing on criticising rather than solving the problem
· You are hurting each other’s feelings
Perspective 2: Conflict as cooperation
Another way of viewing conflict is as a cooperative act. Despite the differences in opinions, conflict can be a constructive activity if it is used to understand each other better and improve the relationship. When both parties have a common goal (e.g. to solve the problem, complete a task, and/or preserve the relationship), they can work together to resolve a conflict with the least harm done to the relationship.
A simplified way to look at it is this: treat conflict like as “Us versus the problem” rather than “Me versus them”. This is also something that most couples will learn during premarital therapy. A cooperative approach entails trying to understand both sides of the situation and coming up with a solution that takes both points of views into consideration.
Some signs of this might include:
· Trying your best to communicate and understand the other person
· Working towards a common goal
· Being helpful
· A relationship built on trust
Conclusion
Many arguments can be avoided if more people learnt how to manage conflicts cooperatively. Just a simple shift in your mindset can help you strengthen your relationships at home and in the workplace, prevent feelings from being hurt, and improve your communication skills.
If you are dealing with the consequences of a bad conflict at work or at home, it may be good to have someone to chat about it with and help you see ways to improve the situation. At Being, we provide counselling services in Singapore for issues including relationship problems and workplace related stress. We hope to be a safe place for you to find healing, discover new truths about yourself, and revitalise your mental wellbeing. Book your appointment with our mental health therapists today.