
“Why do bad things always happen to me?”
“I’m in this situation because of them.”
“I only did it because I was forced to.”
Do you – or someone you know – frequently have thoughts like these? These are sentiments that often ring in the minds of people who have a victim mentality. A person who has a victim mentality tends to see themselves as a victim across most or all situations in their life – even if there are signs to indicate otherwise.
Consider the example of a person who is frustrated about having gone through multiple failed relationships. They could be in this situation due to many reasons ranging from a problematic partner to mutual incompatibility. But a person with victim mentality is likely to blame their partners for ruining the relationship or wave it off as their bad luck for meeting the wrong kinds of people. In doing so, they neglect to reflect on their own shortcomings that might have contributed to the failed relationships.
When a person is trapped in victim’s perspective, they often blame others or external factors for the situation they are in. They usually feel like they are at the mercy of others, having no control over their circumstances. As a result, many people who have a victim’s mentality tend to feel helpless and bitter about their lives.
Why it can happen
Some people may be more prone to having a victim mindset. It is possible that some people might have personalities with a tendency to assume the role of victimhood (Gabay, 2020).
However, many cases of people with a victim mindset can be traced back to traumatic incidents in their past – such as childhood abuse, betrayal by a loved one, or other major life situations that they had no control over. After encountering various situations where they felt helpless, they may develop a victim mindset as they feel like they are always suffering no matter what they do.
Another motivating factor for why a person develops a victim’s mindset stems from the desire for attention and validation. In most contexts, people have sympathy and concern for the victims rather than the perpetrator. Hence, people who have experienced neglect or instability in their relationships may ‘play victim’ to garner attention and validation from others.
The dangers of victim mentality
While having a victim mentality is not a mental health condition or medical diagnosis, it is an issue that can come up during counselling as it is a driving force for many unhealthy behaviours and thoughts.
Because people with victim mentality tend to place the blame on others or external factors when things go wrong, they may overlook their own personal responsibility and assume a passive stance towards situations that are happening. This might hinder their abilities to problem-solve and improve on themselves.
Cognitively, those with a victim mindset may view the world with pessimistic eyes and engage in catastrophic thinking. They are so used to having bad things happen to them that they always assume the worst. This mentality can lead a person to give up easily on relationships or career pursuits, as they do not expect things to work out.
Some individuals may find it difficult to get over past events that were hurtful. They may be haunted by flashbacks and negative thoughts, and continue to see themselves as useless and pitiful – long after the fact has passed. Some people may develop a resentment towards others, or mention past events to others to seek concern and validation from others.
How therapy can help
It can be difficult for someone to recognise that they have a victim mindset. More often, it takes people around them to help them notice the signs and realise that they might need help getting out of it. If you feel like you may be harbouring unhealthy thought patterns, seeking out counselling services can help you identify and work through these concerns related to having a victim mentality.
Persons struggling with a victim mindset may not have a name for what they feel, but they may feel frustrated about how their behaviours affect their work and relationships. Therapy can help you work on processing the root of your issue and regain your sense of control and purpose in life.
If you feel like you might be stuck in a loop of victimising yourself – or you know someone like that – our mental health therapists are here to help you go through it. Speak to us today to begin your journey towards finding more peace and confidence in your life.