
Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect and care, but it’s not always straightforward. When others overstep these boundaries, it can leave you feeling drained, resentful, and even questioning your identity. In extreme cases, the lack of boundaries can even turn into psychological abuse.
For many raised in Asian households, the challenge of setting boundaries is compounded by deeply rooted cultural values such as respect for elders, maintaining family harmony, and fulfilling filial duties. Saying "no" or standing firm on your decisions can often be misinterpreted as defiance or disrespect, creating internal and external conflicts.
So, how is it possible to honour your personal needs while respecting family values? Though there is no one-size-fits-all approach, we hope the tips below can guide you in treading on this tricky tightrope.
Gain clarity by speaking to a therapist
Navigating the complexities of family boundaries can feel overwhelming, especially when cultural expectations are involved. This is where a mental health therapist can offer valuable support. While they are not able to tell you the exact boundaries you should set, they can help you reflect on what’s truly important to you and your well-being.
Through sessions at a counselling centre in Singapore, you can gain clarity on your priorities and develop strategies to communicate them assertively yet respectfully. A skilled therapist can also provide insights into your family dynamics, helping you approach difficult conversations with greater understanding and confidence.
Explain why it’s important to you
Saying "no" or declining certain expectations might feel uncomfortable, and family members may perceive sudden actions as disrespectful or hurtful, especially in cultures that emphasise harmony and respect. Offering an explanation that others can understand assures your family that these boundaries that you set are not about rejecting them or being unkind.
You don’t owe anyone a full explainer of your mental health struggles, but providing a simple explanation can help bridge the gap. For example, you might say, "I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately and need some time to recharge." You can also relate mental health to physical health and explain how these boundaries would be helpful for your own health and well-being.
Show your love in another way
In many Asian households, actions often speak louder than words. Declining a family gathering or refusing a request for help might be misinterpreted as a lack of care. To counter this, find alternative ways to express your love and appreciation.
If you can’t attend a big family event due to social anxiety, consider acknowledging its importance by sending a thoughtful gesture, like food or a handwritten note. Alternatively, suggest smaller gatherings where you feel more comfortable.
Similarly, if you’re unable to fulfil a family member’s request, explore other ways to support them. For example, you could recommend someone better suited to help, offer partial assistance, or follow up with a call to show your concern. These gestures can demonstrate your care while maintaining your boundaries.
Conclusion
Setting boundaries within the context of an Asian household can be challenging but is an essential step toward maintaining your mental health. It’s not about creating distance or rejecting family values—it’s about fostering healthier relationships through mutual understanding and respect.
Remember, boundaries are a tool for self-care, not a weapon for conflict. By being firm yet compassionate, you can protect your well-being while honouring your family’s values. And if you’re unsure where to start, speaking to a trusted therapist or relationship counsellor in Singapore can provide you with the guidance and confidence you need.
At the end of the day, prioritising your mental health strengthens not just your own resilience but also your capacity to connect meaningfully with those you love. Let boundaries be the bridge that leads to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.