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The Happiness Trap: What's Wrong With Positive Psychology?

Writer's picture: ElianaEliana

Updated: Jul 11, 2023


Don’t worry, be happy. Happiness is a choice. Always look on the bright side of life.


Sounds familiar?


These are popular ‘positive psychology’ quotes that are supposed to help us feel happier, by focusing on the positives in life, rather than the negatives. While some people may genuinely feel a positive change in their life by subscribing to positive mantras, psychologists and therapists say that misuse of positive psychology could do more harm than good.


Many people think that the obvious solution to dealing with negative thoughts is to counter them with positive thoughts. But if you have tried it – and it didn’t work – you are not alone. Here are some reasons why positive thinking is not all positive:


1. Toxic positivity does not validate your feelings


Negative thoughts and emotions are part of life. No one can be happy every single day, at every waking moment. Striving to be happy all the time is unrealistic, and does not validate your natural reactions to changes in life. In extreme cases, people who subscribe to positive thinking may feel like they need to fake their emotions in order to feel happy, or they may feel like it’s wrong to feel negative emotions like sadness, stress, or frustration.


Instead, learning to be honest with your own emotions and thoughts is a much healthier way of thinking. Facing a difficult time at work? It’s normal to feel stressed and frustrated. Just ended a relationship? It’s okay to feel sad, lost, and perhaps even angry. The key lies in knowing how not to let these negative thoughts take over your life. A more balanced alternative to positive psychology is learning how to reframe negative thoughts to break out of the negative thought cycle. If you need advice on how to do so, you can find a therapist near you to guide you along.


2. Toxic positivity drains your energy before you begin


Numerous studies have shown an interesting trend: people who actively fantasised about achieving their goals were found to be less successful in achieving the said goals – compared to those who thought about neutral or negative outcomes. According to Gabriele Oettingen, a professor of psychology at New York University and the University of Hamburg, fantasising about happy outcomes tricks our brains into thinking we have already attained the goal, letting our guards down and reducing the impetus to actually reach that goal. The result of positive dreaming was reduced systolic blood pressure and lower energy levels.


So, is it better to always have the worst-case scenario in mind? Not quite! Oettingen recommends striking a balance. First, envision a successful outcome and all the positive feelings that come with it. Then, think about all the possible obstacles and things that could go wrong in your pursuit of it. This ‘mental contrasting’ helps individuals adjust their expectations and set more attainable goals, while increasing their motivation to work towards it.


3. Toxic positivity makes you a harsher judge of your own emotions


Let us explain. When we are constantly telling ourselves that ‘happiness is a choice’ and to ‘think positively’, we are also drilling in the belief that ‘sadness is bad’, ‘I am wrong for choosing to be sad’, and ‘I should not be sad’. Ultimately, we become harsher critiques of our own emotions. When we feel sad, we feel sadder or angrier at ourselves for feeling sad. Ironically, this further amplifies the feeling of sadness! Not the outcome we wanted at all, eh?


The solution to this is practising self-compassion. It’s okay to feel sad, mad, or stressed. Allow the feelings to come and go – spending some time or working with a counsellor to process them if you’d like. You don’t have to add on to the negative emotions by penalising yourself unnecessarily.


Conclusion


Positive thinking is not all wrong. It has its own benefits for mental health, and can be a good strategy for those who want to lead happier lives. But take it a step too far, and it becomes toxic positivity that can wreak havoc on your emotional and mental health.


If you are curious about positive psychology because you are struggling with negative thoughts, we want to let you know that there are other ways to break out of a negative thought cycle. Feel free to speak to our mental health therapist Singapore to learn how to form a deeper understanding of your struggles and work towards practical solutions in managing them.


We are also hosting a workshop on “How to Process Your Negative Thoughts” coming up in mid-July. Join us to equip yourself with effective self-help strategies you can use to reclaim control of your life, triumphing over the negative thoughts. We hope to see you there!

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